So you've turned down the Avenue of Instant Absurdity, and you're asking yourself, "What the heck is that, Edgar?" Well, I could say it's a sacred and hallowed place, but who's going to believe someone with pink flamingoes running all over the page? It must be hard to get taken seriously when you're a flamingo, or even a known associate of flamingoes. I mean, just ask Edgar himself.

Edgar himself, a known flamingo associate.

No one ever believes Edgar, or me, for that matter. And that's why I'm here. I was tooling around the internet looking for something else one day and found these pictures, and voila! I was inspired (or maybe it was the cold medication I was taking). Either way, I decided to make all this stuff up because who really knows what's going on in other people's pictures anyway. Even if they were here to tell you themselves, would you believe them? After all, they're the ones taking pictures of garden gnomes with plastic flamingoes. And speaking of pictures, if you like any of the ones you see on this site, feel free to steal them. I did. If anyone happens to recognize them as their own and is willing to say as much in broad daylight, well, rest assured--I'm not making any money off them. In fact, I don't have any money, so sueing me would just be a waste of time, unless you want my bills. Besides, see what happened to the last guy who tried to make trouble around here.

"Run for your lives! The monster ate our clothes!"

Clothes? I'll bet that lizard felt the way this little guy looks. "Uhh ... I swallowed what?" Yeah, we've all had days like that, when you realize, just as the food slides down your throat, that mashed potatoes aren't supposed to be crunchy.

Actually, I call this kid Roscoe. Don't ask me why, it just sounded good at the time. His life story is here somewhere. So is a bunch of other stuff that no one really cares about. And there's these little green guys hanging around at the bottom of the page trying to look cool. They're kind of like the guides here. (Between you and me, they were new in town and needed the work, so I decided to give them a break.) Don't you find some twisted irony in that--aliens guiding terrestrials around their own planet? Hmm ... I did. Oh well, too bad they're not very good at it. Not to worry, they will take you someplace. I just haven't figured out where yet.